How To Stop Projecting Your Own Issues Onto Others in 5 Steps

How To Stop Projecting Your Own Issues Onto Others in 5 Steps

“She doesn’t like me.” “He must be cheating on me.” “They don’t take good care of themselves.” If you’ve ever jumped to a conclusion about what someone else may be thinking or feeling, well, guess what? You’re only human. But while the common inclination to make such assumptions is common, what it often actually signifies that we’re projecting our own thoughts onto others.

Projecting can take the form of avoiding a feeling, belief, or judgment we have about ourselves by relocating it in someone else. It allows other people to be the “owners” of our personal flaws, therefore distancing ourselves from having to acknowledge the things we do not like or things that don’t feel good within us. But, projecting can also be harmful to developing rich and loving relationships with ourselves and with others.

Why we project, and 2 reasons to stop

Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, MD, coined the psychological term projection as a defense mechanism. It’s a subconscious, unintentional habit that lets us know that there’s something that feels too difficult to confront within ourselves. Projections can make it easier for us to live with ourselves because if other people are the cause of any given distress, then we don’t have to deal with the underlying problem. But projecting isn’t actually an effective method for self-protection or preservation—and it’s a good  habit to curb, for two main self-destructive reasons.

1. Projection can cause a lot of suffering

You might feel anxiety around others, Attempting to read another person’s mind can yield anxiety, as you ruminate on their experience instead of focusing on yours. Projections also evoke other unpleasant emotions like anger, frustration, and irritability, because they put the focus on what others are doing, which we cannot control, rather than our own emotions, over which we do hold sway.

Projections evoke anger because they put the focus on what others are doing, which we cannot control, rather than our own emotions, over which we do hold sway.

Anger indicates the presence of unmet needs. And projecting our own insecurities and unmet needs onto others can lead us to feel like victims, subject to the whims of another, rather than as an empowered agent of personal change in our lives.

2. Projecting can create distance in relationships

This is because criticism leads to contempt. If you’re constantly pointing out the flaws in others, you are distracting yourself from your own personal wounds. But if you own your wounds and let people in on your self-criticism and judgments, you invite them to be closer to you (rather than push them away as you judge them for your projections).

When we are forming opinions and beliefs, we see others and the world based on who we are (our social identities, histories, values, and experiences) not as they exist. In essence, when you’re judging another person, you are not understanding them, but rather revealing something about yourself. Additionally, when you are being judged by someone else, know that it isn’t about you, but rather reveals something about the other person’s insecurities and emotional needs.

Only when we’re able to build mindful awareness of what’s happening for us when we make assumptions or judgments about others are we able to shift our relationships with ourselves and them. So, below, learn keep tips for how to stop projecting.

How to stop projecting in 5 simple steps

1. Notice when you’re presuming someone’s experience, without them telling you

The brain’s primary goal is to survive, and in order to do so, it predicts risk and acts accordingly via the fight-or-flight stress response. For many, when we don’t have information, the inclination is to respond with cognitive distortion, filling the the gaps with worst-case scenarios in order to prevent future harm.

When you become aware of the speedy thoughts and your judgment wheel begins to churn, work to look inward rather than outward. Ask yourself: What about this person or scenario is triggering to me right now? What am I feeling in my body, and is there an emotion attached to these sensations? Does the way this person is showing up remind me of other experiences I’ve had or people with whom I’ve interacted? Taking care of yourself at this moment will support you in healing the insecurity that is projected outward.

2. Become aware of your strong reactions

Let’s say you’re at work, and your colleague doesn’t make eye contact with you at the coffee machine. You then develop a story in your mind that they hate you.

Consider where this perception might be originating. Ask yourself questions about the facts that would confirm or deny your judgment, such as, Was there anything I did to harm this person? The brain cannot differentiate between triggers and threats, so while someone not making eye contact may trigger a past hurt or experience, it doesn’t necessarily indicate a present threat.

3. Build awareness of “you” statements

Notice when you’re developing narratives about what someone else thinks: “You are bored of me.” “You don’t like me.” “You are ugly.”  These types of sentiments are reminders that you may be projecting your experience. Remember in these moments that the path to self-discovery is often paved with fear.

For instance, if you’re thinking “you are cheating on me,” maybe you yourself are having sexual feelings for someone else, and because you’re scared to face these emotions and sensations, you believe your partner is having them.

In these cases, shift to “I” statements: “Am I feeling bored? “Do I like me? “Am I feeling comfortable in my own skin?” “How do I feel about monogamy or my sex life right now?”

4. Adopt an approach of curiosity, not judgment

If we approach ourselves with judgment, our tender parts will go into a mode of protection and defense. So, rather than make a statement about someone else, ask yourself a question about a personal experience.

Typically, we dislike things in other people that we do not like about ourselves or that remind us of previous versions of ourselves. For example, whenever I experience someone as “phony,” I come into contact with the many years that I pretended I was perfect to avoid social rejection and exclusion. This older version of myself used outward judgment to avoid feeling hurt; because of this, it’s better for me to respond to curiosity.

5. Get to know your insecurities.

Take an inventory of the areas where you are struggling. Maybe you don’t feel confident, well-dressed, financially successful, smart, or like a good partner or friend. Chances are, you will be acutely aware of others who lack in these areas, too. If we do not heal from who and what hurt us, we will spew that pain on the people who didn’t injure us.

Ownership of our emotions and feelings are powerful tools for developing more empowering and close relationships with ourselves and others. It can be hard to confront the parts of ourselves that tap us into pain and grief because it’s “easier” in the moment to think of ourselves as good and righteous. But, it is also less real and authentic. It is your birthright to heal. It is your responsibility to take ownership over that healing.

This content was originally published here.

Rhianon Lovelace Scores an Axle Deadlift World Record of 261.5 Kilograms (576.5 Pounds)

Rhianon Lovelace Scores an Axle Deadlift World Record of 261.5 Kilograms (576.5 Pounds)

On Sept. 24, 2022, during the 2022 Arnold Strongman (AS) UK in Birmingham, England, strongwoman Rhianon Lovelace captured a raw 261.5-kilogram (576.5-pound) axle deadlift. The pull is a World Record in the heavyweight and 64-kilogram weight classes. Lovelace already owned the record in her own class and notched that mark of 233.5 kilograms (515 pounds) from the Clash Pro Series 2022 Clash of the 64s this past May. 

Per a post on her Instagram, Lovelace competed at the 2022 AS UK with a body weight of 63 kilograms (138.9 pounds). That means Lovelace’s axle deadlift World Record was 4.1 times her body weight. Lovelace worked from a conventional stance while utilizing a lifting suit, lifting belt, and lifting straps to help with her record pull. 

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A post shared by Rhianon Lovelace (@rhianon.lovelace.kaosstrength)

To celebrate her record and winning the first-ever Arnold Pro UK title a day before, Lovelace couldn’t seem to find the appropriate words to describe her historic achievement in an initial Instagram post. 

“I have no words,” Lovelace wrote. “To hit the [record] after competing for two days and winning the first ever Arnold Pro UK, I’m speechless.”

As the athlete would later note, she decided to reflect on and be appreciative of her journey and resolve in another post.

“After competing for two successful days (with tough competition, so I couldn’t take it easy) to win the Arnold Pro Title, running off three hours of sleep, I was doubting myself,” Lovelace wrote. “I knew I was going to need to go somewhere dark to get this done.”

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A post shared by Rhianon Lovelace (@rhianon.lovelace.kaosstrength)

Even without her axle deadlift World Record and Arnold Pro title, it was already quite the successful 2022 competitive year for Lovelace. 

In late May 2022, during the British Powerlifting Union (BPU) Single Lift British Championships, Lovelace broke the British raw powerlifting record with a pull of 241 kilograms (530 pounds). Later, while competing at the 2022 Berkshire’s Strongest competition in mid-July 2022, Lovelace broke the overall strongwoman deadlift World Record with a pull of 282.5 kilograms (623 pounds) — exceeding her own record from the 2020 Strength Shop Record Breakers contest by over 20 pounds. (Note: The athlete won both contests.)

Finally, in August 2022, she won her fourth consecutive Britain’s Strongest Woman title. She has not lost that contest since making her debut in 2018. 

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A post shared by Rhianon Lovelace (@rhianon.lovelace.kaosstrength)

Now in possession of a larger axle deadlift World Record, Lovelace was not shy in expressing what her accomplishment at a major international contest might have meant for strong women on a wider scale.

“We are witnessing the dawn of a new era of Strongwoman!” Lovelace wrote. “A time where the best Women are welcomed to the biggest stages in the sport, witnessed by thousands. The rise of strongwomen!”

Featured image: @rhianon.lovelace.kaosstrength

The post Rhianon Lovelace Scores an Axle Deadlift World Record of 261.5 Kilograms (576.5 Pounds) appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

This content was originally published here.

The 2 Body Washes a Dermatologist Always Recommends To Patients With Eczema

The 2 Body Washes a Dermatologist Always Recommends To Patients With Eczema

When you’ve got eczema, you want to do everything you can to keep your skin hydrated and soothed. Using a body wash that’s too stripping can do just the opposite, leaving you with skin that’s even drier and more irritated than usual. To prevent that from happening, Ivy Lee, MD, a board-certified dermatologist in Pasadena, California, says you should stick to gentle cleansers.

“Because eczema is associated with a compromised skin barrier and is more sensitive to irritation and allergy, I recommend using a moisturizing body wash that is free of fragrance, dyes, and exfoliants,” says Dr. Lee. “I favor ‘syndets’ which is an abbreviation for synthetic detergents, which are non-soap cleansing agents that are neutral or slightly acidic and gentler on skin. Traditional soaps have high pH (are more alkaline) and can potentially irritate the acid mantle structure of our skin.”

Dr. Lee has two body washes that she loves that fit her criteria: the Dove Sensitive Skin Body Wash ($10) and the Vanicream Gentle Body Wash ($11). Both offer a gentle yet effective clean.

Dove Sensitive Skin Body Wash — $10.00

Made with moisturizing ingredients and a blend of prebiotics, this body wash will nourish your skin and its microbiome.

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Vanicream Gentle Body Wash — $11.00

Like all of Vanicream’s products, this body wash has been formulated without common chemical irritants or harsh cleansing agents. It is free of dyes, fragrance, lanolin, parabens, and formaldehyde.

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To protect your skin in the shower, know that a gentle body wash is just the start. Dr. Lee says to keep the cleanser limited to your face, pits, and groin. And make sure you’re using warm—not hot—water and keeping those showers quick. After the shower, gently pat dry the skin and apply a liberal amount of a fragrance-free moisturizing cream, ointment, or lotion, like Dr. Lee’s go-to CeraVe Healing Ointment ($11). And “for eczema-prone skin, skip the scrubs, loofahs, and exfoliating mitts,” and just get clean with your hands, she says.

Get more dermatologist shower tips:



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Strongman Evan Singleton’s 2022 Season is Over After Successful Bicep Surgery

Strongman Evan Singleton’s 2022 Season is Over After Successful Bicep Surgery

On Sept. 24, 2022, in a video on his Instagram, strongman Evan Singleton announced that he recently tore his right distal biceps tendon during a training session. He withdrew from the upcoming 2022 Giants Live World Tour Finals on Oct. 8, 2022, in Glasgow, Scotland, and the 2022 Rogue Invitational on Oct. 28-30, 2022, in Austin, TX. (Note: At the time of this writing, a replacement for Singleton in both contests hasn’t been revealed.)

In a Sept. 28, 2022, Instagram update, Singleton announced that he underwent successful surgery to reattach his biceps tendon. The athlete did not offer a concrete timetable for a full recovery from his injury but alluded to plans to try and compete in the 2023 World’s Strongest Man (WSM). 

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(@evan_trex_strongman)

Before his surgery, in one of his apparent last heavy lifting sessions for a while, Singleton shared a Sept. 25 Instagram clip of himself powering through some heavy box squats. The athlete completed a 340-kilogram (751-pound) set for three reps.

“The last time I’ll be lifting heavy for a while, so might as well make it good,” Singleton wrote of his box squat workout. “Definitely ran on pure anger and hate today. I didn’t really realize how upset I was until the weights got heavier and heavier. The more weight there was, it was almost like it was just pulling the emotion to the surface. I’m going to be getting real friendly with squats again after surgery.”
Singleton would subsequently upload a Sept. 28, 2022, video to his YouTube channel focusing on his . Because he couldn’t apply any pressure to his right arm, the strongman wore a protective body strap. He would capture a 385.6-kilogram (850-pound) pull for his best one-rep. After finishing deadlifting, Singleton trained his left arm with lateral raises, dumbbell biceps curls, and cable curls.
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(@evan_trex_strongman)

To outline his future plans in the YouTube video, Singleton maintained that the 2023 WSM will be his “first stop.” Following that, he will intend to get back onto the Giants Live circuit and the 2023 Rogue Invitational. In 2021, he notably won the 2021 and the 2021 — the inaugural edition of the contest.

Depending on Singleton’s recovery and training, he may well return to that high standard of performance come next year. 

Featured image: @evan_trex_strongman on Instagram

The post Strongman Evan Singleton’s 2022 Season is Over After Successful Bicep Surgery appeared first on Breaking Muscle.

This content was originally published here.

Intensify Your Orgasms With These Super On-Sale Sex Toys—But Quick, the Deals End Tomorrow

Intensify Your Orgasms With These Super On-Sale Sex Toys—But Quick, the Deals End Tomorrow

There are so many ways to reach destination pleasure (no, we’re not talking about getting on a plane). I’m talking vibrators, butt plugs, hands-free sex toys, and massage oils that’ll help you go the distance on your next flight to orgasmic island. Thankfully, for all of us, Good Vibrations—one of our favorite spots to shop for sex toys and accessories—is having a flash sale. Until tomorrow, you can save up to 50 percent off on vibrators, from rabbit to lipstick to two-pronged ones.

Among the list of discounted toys, we spotted Laska’s bunny ears vibrator—which offers four speeds and seven vibrational patterns—slashed down 20 percent, along with a spiral, waterproof vibrator from Pirouette for nearly 30 percent off. Additionally, you can score butt plugs, dildos, floggers, and other gems for a fraction of the price. We rounded up some vibrators from Good Vibrations Flash Sale. Below, you’ll find the best ones to help you reach new orgasmic heights. Shop the rest of the sale before “doors close” tomorrow.

The best of Good Vibrations’ flash sale

Alice Dual Motor Rabbit Vibrator — $80.00

Originally $100, now $80

This two-pronged vibrator delivers double the amount of fun. Made with dual motors, the Alice Rabbit Vibrator stimulates the inside and outside to help you orgasm—fast (and intensely). What’s more, it’s made of silicone for an effortless slide and comes with eight modes so that you can easily change the speed and pulse.

Colors available: baby pink

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Kyss Rechargeable Lipstick Vibrator — $26.00

Originally $37, now $26

Looking for something more discrete? Look no further than the Kyss Rechargeable Lipstick Vibrator. The removable cap mimics a lipstick container (just adorbs) and the lipstick color is actually the vibrator. It has an angled tip to help you apply pressure wherever tickles your fancy. Using three vibration levels and seven types of pulsation, the lipstick vibrator will help you achieve orgasmic success.

Colors available: 2

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Laska Vibrator — $88.00

Originally $110, now $88

Waterproof, quiet, and travel-friendly, Laska’s Vibrator is the perfect companion to take with you in the shower, or whenever you’re looking for some fun on-the-go. The four speeds and seven vibrational patterns make sexy time that much more pleasurable, and it has bunny-shaped ears, which is perfect for stimulating a clitoris or nipple in between.

Colors available: 2

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Pirouette Waterproof Vibrator — $20.00

Originally $28, now $20

Spiral into “O”-land with this twist vibrator. The spirals add a textural element, while the velvety outer layer feels just as soft as skin. Take it with you in the shower or bedroom and toggle between three intensities for all of your sexual needs.

Colors available: 2

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Olivia Vibrator — $100.00

Originally $125, now $100

Looking to up the ante in the bedroom? Olivia’s vibrator will help get you there. Designed with medical grade silicone, Olivia is as soft as it is flexible and contours to the shape of your grooves. While powerful—it has 10 speeds and all—it’s super quiet, so you can enjoy your sweet spot. Trust us, it’ll be your new favorite powerhouse.

Colors available: 3

Shop Now


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This content was originally published here.

This 2-in-1 Curling-Flat Iron Has Officially Replaced My Dyson AirWrap—And It’s $500 Less Expensive

This 2-in-1 Curling-Flat Iron Has Officially Replaced My Dyson AirWrap—And It’s $500 Less Expensive

I love big, fluffy curls, but not the work required to get them. Curling irons are effective but inconsistent, I love my Dyson AirWrap but find it too cumbersome for everyday use, and I don’t have the expert-level hand-eye coordination that flat-iron curls require to achieve. My new favorite solution for this beauty conundrum? The AirTwist from Chi, which gives me perfect curls without any of the hassles of its predecessors.

The Chi AirTwist ($109) is basically a curling iron, a flat iron, and a blowdryer all in one. It has two fixed plates (the flat iron) shaped like a barrel (the curling iron), and is equipped with air vents that deliver a cool shot of air to your strands (the blowdryer).

To use it, start by placing a section of hair between the plates, then glide it from root to the tip. Once you’ve almost reached the bottom of your hair, wrap that same section around the barrel. curling iron style. Then, hit the “cool shot” button, and you’ll hear a fan start to whir. That’s the sound of your hair getting blasted with air to set the style before you unwind it to reveal the perfect, bouncy curl.

My hair after using the Chi AirTwist.

In typical Chi style, the hot plates on the AirTwist generate negative ions as it heats. “These ions will seal the hair’s cuticles, eliminate frizz, and preserve [the hair’s] natural oils,” says Jamila Powell, founder of hair-care line Naturally Drenched and owner of Maggie Rose Salon.

The cool shot button helps to hold the look in place, explains hairstylist Ashley Rubell. “Cool air is used to literally cool the hair down and lock that newly manipulated style into place,” she says. “It not only seals the cuticle of the hair shaft but can give a smooth, shiny finish.”

Having the option to cool-shot your curls is one of the many reasons why the Dyson AirWrap is so beloved. That little trick helps you get a longer-lasting, sleeker style. But the AirWrap comes with a bit steeper of a learning curve, and it’s literally $600. The Chi AirTwist is one-sixth of the price, and while it can’t create the same sort of “fresh from the salon blowout” that the AirWrap does, if you’re in the market for long-lasting, easy-to-achieve curls, it’s truly perfect.


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This content was originally published here.